It was a hard day today. I have been struggling with my emotions, and I needed to express how I was feeling; even though, I really could not put my finger directly on why I have been breaking down in tears all afternoon and into the early morning.
It all started when word came through that 9 people tragically died in a helicopter accident in Southern California today. That alone made me stop and consider life and the consequences that come from living it. Normally, that type of news may not make it to Colorado where I live. It may only be a blip on the national news media's coverage of the day. 9 lives lost. 9 families devastated. 9 communities changed forever. It deserves more of our time, but it is just another sad story that happens in some capacity in every part of the world every day. We know it deserves more of our sympathies. Those 9 people had a purpose that has now fallen to those they have left behind. That burden will be too hard to carry for many, but soon, someone will pick up that purpose, and through time that burden will ease to those in that community.
Today, amazingly, that burden fell to millions around the world who knew the name Kobe Bryant. Thousands were quick to pick-up his purpose and share his story. The death of a vibrant, enthusiastic, passionate 41-year old father of 4, international celebrity, future Hall of Famer, arguably one of the Top 5 men's basketball players to ever play the game, and for millions, a role model they never met is quite simply knocking the planet to it's knees today. Many, young and old, lost a person they have looked up to for most of their lives.
That last part is why I have been struggling emotionally today.
You see, I had just completed my 2nd full season as a head college coach the day the news broke that Kobe had been accused of sexual assault in July of 2003. I was a collegiate men's coach...a leader of young, impressionable men on their own for the first time in their lives. Most of my players were just a few years younger than Kobe at the time. I remember how disappointed I was in Kobe. Millions of young men looked up to this kid who skipped college to go compete with grown adult men in the NBA. I was, and in different ways now, a big believer that young men NEEDED 4 years of college to grow-up, make and learn from "small" mistakes, mature their attitudes and desires, learn self-control, learn how to deal with conflict and differentiating opinions. I knew I needed every second of 4-years of college for all of those things and many more.
These accusations against Kobe only made my thoughts on the matter stronger and gave me conviction in my opinion. From my perspective, the pressure, stress, millions of dollars and the media's microscope was too much for most 30-year olds, let alone a 17-year old who hadn't had time in a conducive environment to grow into something more resembling an adult. Kobe never had time to gradually grow into someone the world wanted to touch and have 5 seconds with. 17 year olds are not ready to be gods or at least treated as omnipotent. That level of desire and scrutiny from a big world was enough to blow any kid's head to the size of the Goodyear blimp. From his attitude on and off the court, it was obvious, to me, that he had succumbed to that explosion of ego.
Fast-forward 15 years after the charges were dropped and the whispers had stopped, Kobe had completed a world-renowned basketball career ascending to the Mt. Rushmore of professional basketball and capping it all off in his final game with an overwhelming 61 points as his teammates watched him launch shot after shot. I was still dumbfounded to see that there was still a gigantic hole of humility that never was filled. He still did not seem to get that the world did not revolve around him. It only seemed to matter that the actors around him performed to the script as he had written and directed. Even with obvious growth as a husband and father, 5 NBA championships, 2 MVPs, 2 Olympic gold medals, and not really a sniff of wrong-doing since that accusation 15 years before, it was clear to me that his driving goal in life was to be seen as the greatest basketball player of all-time...and everything else was secondary...even the respect of his colleagues and peers.
Now, today, and whether all my vitriolic opinion was righteous or completely out of context, all I could think about was if I was in a helicopter with my young daughter, and I knew that it was about to go down, how I would be fighting heaven and hell to find a way to protect her and save her from an end she did not deserve. I would become super-human, so she did not have to experience the slightest amount of fear or pain. I would still be fighting after my last breath had been taken from me.
It was in that moment of reflection that I was hit with the undeniable understanding that if there was ever a father built for that end, it was Kobe Bryant. It had taken the better part of 24 years in the public eye, but he had become an adult to be proud of and one who deserved a person's respect beyond basketball and fortune and fame.
Kobe did not die today as an egotistical athlete or a first ballot Hall of Famer or a good or bad person. He died today being the father he was destined to become and one we all hope we never have to be.
He played the game so well because he anticipated 5 plays ahead of everyone else on the court. He was the consummate chess player who thought he could win the board with only his king. A novice chess player knew that was impossible, but Kobe lived for the impossible. He made it his goal in life to prove us skeptics wrong. He was one of the few to ever play the game who could actually make that work.
For me and for the rest of my life, the name Kobe Bryant will be synonymous with one thing and one thing only...Father. I know, without any doubt, that in the last seconds of his life his singular concern was protecting that little girl from what he knew was inevitable. Just like in every aspect of his life from that point back in 2003 when he thought his life was over, he started to see the world before it saw him. Today, that education allowed him to be the daddy that little girl desperately needed.
There is nothing more devastating to witness in this world than an unfinished life. I truly believe that Kobe's was just starting and with his guidance, love and direction, Gigi's life was on track to be greater than even her father's. I am so thankful that those 4 girls got to witness the man he was becoming, but I am heart-broken for the love, nurturing and education they are losing with his death. I can only imagine the loss the world is facing not having him around for the next 40 years. It is without a doubt that he was raising those 4 girls to make the world a better place, and we should all be saddened we won't get to see the final scene.
Sleep well knowing that we have 9 new angels today watching over us and the smallest of the 9 is being held tight by the tallest who is still refusing to let her go.
Matt Rogers
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